036: The Process for International Adoption

December 11th, 2019 · 43 mins 12 secs

About this Episode

Parent Driven Development

Episode 036: Adoption

  • This episode will discuss the process of international adoption, the major changes that hit home, and future challenges adopting parents and children face

00:28 Welcome, Kalimar

  • How long does it take to adopt a child internationally? It took Kalimar 2 ½-3 years!
  • Kalimar and his wife have had their baby girl for 6 months, she is now 21 month old
  • Huge learning curve welcoming a child that already has mobility

01:12 Why choose adoption?

  • Kalimar and his wife are 35+ and decided this was the right option for them

01:39 What is process for international adoption?

  • Adoption ad in paper, an option
  • International adoption agencies is most common and safe
  • International adoption requirements: Micro scale of state approval, social workers, background checks, reading, workshops, cultural events, then moving to federal approval then international country approval

4:43 How hard is it to adopt a child? Is parenting easier or harder?

  • The paperwork is tough, but Kalimar says parenting is harder!
  • Everyone and every book has a different advice on parenting
  • Kids don't come with instructions

6:05 Challenges of being a new parent?

  • No more late nights because baby doesn’t sleep in
  • The need for more friendly activities with friends, luckily most of Kalimar's friends already have kids!
  • Secret sledding hills that have mostly been kid only zones are now opened up to play at

8:08 Experiencing everything with fresh eyes

  • KWU's son is full of excitement and the energy is contagious
  • Kalimar's daughter eats spaghetti for the first time and its adorable
  • New toddlers like to explore their limits and gravity

10:36 Things to consider when adopting a child

  • The challenges in adopting a newborn verse a toddler
  • Kalimar had to baby proof before bringing his daughter home
  • The danger kid zone within the house, everyone has one

12:20 Are post adoption services and consultants available?

  • Yes! Massive support from adoption agency, trainings, workshops, other families and community members
  • Why parenting classes are important and how biological parents should be put through parenting school just like adoption parents
  • First day with adopted child - the bumps, triumphs and everything in between

15:23 How do you decide which agency or country to choose from?

  • First google agency, then attend an open house and adoption seminars, see who you mesh with
  • Factor in expense of international adoption cost and timeline that it will take

17:45 How do the adoption seminars prepare you?

  • Kalimar reflects on the self question of making it known that his daughter is adopted in daycare or not
  • Adoption transition tips - understanding the child is going through HUGE emotional changes
  • Kalimar feels lucky his daughter is so adaptable
  • How to talk about the adoption process with your child at the level they can understand.
  • Open discussion is best, remove the taboo
  • Adoptive parents do a whole lot of work and are totally the parents

24:13 Top parent concerns, are they adoption based?

  • Kalimar worries about his daughter being treated as a minority, as he and his wife are caucasion and their daughter is Indian.
  • Girl and dad relationship, other common worries
  • Become a part of the local community of their daughters orgin
  • Pros and cons of exposing your child to their origin country

28:46 Genius / Fail moments

  • Chris stores old legos and toys in his attic until his friends with new babies need them. Out of the house and supporting a friend #parentingwin
  • Allison gets crafty by using walkie-talkies to keep in touch with her 4-year-old son at her office HQ #genius
  • JC’s 10-year-old daughter is a total catch! She learns how to put in the work to improve her skills as her teams catcher.
  • KWU’s son is repeating everything. She’s noted to watch her language, but proud that her son has picked up on her good habits and is mimicking new language.
  • Kalimar temps his daughter back to the dinner table by making it look like the most delicious time ever!
  • Kids continue to throw food on the ground... to learn reaction and explore new roles #fail

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JC Avena
Allison McMillan
Chris Sexton