Parent Driven Development
Episode 048: Darcy Lockman - All The Rage: Mothers, Fathers and The Myth of Equal Partnership
00:23 Welcome, Darcy!
Darcy Lockman is a former journalist turned clinical psychologist and the author of All the Rage: Mothers, Fathers, and the Myth of Equal Partnership. Her first book, Brooklyn Zoo, chronicled the year she spent working on the psychiatric ward of a city hospital. She lives and practices (for the time being virtually) in New York City.
00:39 Orgins of All The Rage
- Child care falls on Darcy more than her husband.. moms more than dads?
- Why are we living like this?
- The impact of patriarchy on all of us
04:25 Patriarchy instilled into our culture
- Women carry 65% childcare work, while men carry 35%
- The feminine is looked down in society
- Communality / agency - girls raised to be more communal, boys are raised to be more agentic
- Women join the workforce, but keep up with childcare duties
09:32 How to guide kids with equal partnership at home
- Kids easily influenced from their outside world
- Identification with the same sex parent
- Gender detectives - searching for the group that they belong in
- The one way glass study
- Women have this idea that their male partner should not be inconvenienced, and that it’s ok if they are
16:17 Is being traditional wrong?
- What good dads get away with
- Stay at home mom stigma
19:05 Dual earning couples is sole focused on from All The Rage Book
- After work “breaks” ?After work “breaks” ?
- Unequal experience, unequal ability
- Taking care of children takes practice
- Paid paternity leave for men in other countries - use it or lose it
24:20 Who is responsible for the mental load?
- Techniques to share the workload
- Women tend to feel more responsible and may have to unlearn this feeling of taking no time off
- Underbenifitor / Overbenifitor - both sides uncomfortable
29:50 The pandemic is making the invisible workload more visible
- Possible progress to be made in couples
32:45 Genius / Fail moments
- JC’s kids have been helping around the house since the pandemic hit, including dinner! #geniuswin
- Chris grounds steak with kids to make tacos. They were a hit and ready to go, until Chris accidentally dropped a glass dish right next to the taco meat and glass got in the taco meat… Dinner restart #fail
- Darcy embraces a sugar vacation during the pandemic and let’s her girls feast on junk food that is usually not allowed. #genuisfail maybe??
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